Personal Update July 2019
Yesterday the patio door didn't want to unlock when I got up in the morning. The handle latch mechanism seemed to have unlocked, yet the door would not open. I turned on my phone flashlight for a closer look at the lock. Click. Lock. Click. Unlock. The door budged a tiny bit, enough for me to see that the problem wasn't with the latch mechanism. But the door would not budge more than that little bit, maybe an eighth of an inch. There had to be something else preventing the door from opening. A stick in the runway? I looked but the door's runway was clear. No stick.
I got myself some breakfast and sat to eat at the table in the lanai, the part of the house we would think of as an indoor porch. The outdoor porch, where we have church and do most of our eating, reading and talking during the week, is connected to the lanai by way of the stuck patio door. As I ate and thought about the problem, the dogs pressed their noses against the glass obviously wondering why I didn't open the door and come out to feed them as usual. As I ate it occurred to me that there must be a second lock somewhere on the door. Or possibly a sticking point at some spot on the frame. Sure enough. There was a second lock, a tension screw on the top of the door frame keeping the door from opening. Fresh air and happy dogs greeted me when I finally slid the door open.
All day yesterday I thought about that tension screw. I am still thinking about it today.
Something like a tension screw has been preventing me from opening the door to a perfect understanding of God's plan for my life in recent months. Back in Davenport this spring, felt I was standing at the crossroad of four equally good paths. Four paths each with their own sets of challenges and possibilities. Four paths to four different places. For all of them, I have almost equal qualifications, skills and abilities to match what is needed. Where does God want me?
(1)Bemidji
(2)Davenport
(3)Saipan
(4) Somewhere else I do not yet know about
I have been asking God for the past year and a half to show me where he wants me to serve. What he wants me to do. For wisdom. I have felt locked out of understanding, feeling my way forward as if in the dark. Yesterday's tension screw, however, reminded me God has promised that:
God always gives wisdom to those who ask for it. And he doesn't rebuke us for asking questions, which is kind of nice because rebuke for asking questions happens all the time in our world.
How often have you heard a wife say, "If he really loved me he would know what I want without asking."
Or an employer say, "If you see a need, don't ask me, just fix it. Don't force me to micromanage things around here."
Or a student or young adult who keeps changing their major or job-hopping to try to find out what they want to do with their lives will invariably hear from their elders, "Pick something and settle down. Your continual questions are not helping you grow up."
Why do we do this, when from God's standpoint, the questions are the work. God is not looking for us to simply settle down into a course of work we think might be useful. He is not looking for us to jump in and fix things. He is not looking for initiative in us the way the world looks for it in a person. God is looking for us to pray about everything. And to believe that he always answers our cry for wisdom, even if we cannot see that answer today or tomorrow or the next day. Daniel in the Bible asked for wisdom, and although the messenger didn't arrive to deliver God's answer for three weeks, God had answered Daniel as soon as he asked. It was just that preparatory work had to be done in the spiritual realm before Daniel could receive the answer (Daniel 10:12-13).
This encourages me to believe God has heard my prayer. He knows where he intends to place me. A tension screw somewhere has been hindering my understanding, but that's okay. It won't last forever. God will give me the wisdom I need, although it feels like the lock is jammed at the moment. In recent days, however, I feel the lock beginning to loosen. I am beginning to see patches of blue sky amongst the trees in my pathway.
I am in no hurry to get my answer. There are things to do here in Saipan. There will be things to do in Davenport when I get back. There may be things to do in Bemidji. I will simply do the next thing my hand finds to do until the answer comes. For example, next week I will be taking a two-day course to be certified in Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST). Tonight we are hosting a youth group fun night here at the church. The week after next we are hosting a neighborhood barbecue here at the church.
Now for the news. I applied last week for an Associate Pastor position here at Living Hope Church of the Nazarene in Saipan. As far as I can tell, this is the answer I have been waiting for. If I am wrong, the door will stay locked shut and I will continue to pray for wisdom. But if it opens, I will walk through the door. Lots of things will need to fall in place for that to happen. So I will continue to pray for wisdom, understanding that the prayer itself is the work of God, not the place I end up serving for the next season of my life. I like how Jesus answered some folks who, like me, wanted to know what exactly they should do to do the work of the Lord. Jesus said, "This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent" (John 6:29 NLT).
Believe in Jesus. I can do that! The rest will unfold one prayer at a time. I will keep you posted.
More soon...
Amy
I got myself some breakfast and sat to eat at the table in the lanai, the part of the house we would think of as an indoor porch. The outdoor porch, where we have church and do most of our eating, reading and talking during the week, is connected to the lanai by way of the stuck patio door. As I ate and thought about the problem, the dogs pressed their noses against the glass obviously wondering why I didn't open the door and come out to feed them as usual. As I ate it occurred to me that there must be a second lock somewhere on the door. Or possibly a sticking point at some spot on the frame. Sure enough. There was a second lock, a tension screw on the top of the door frame keeping the door from opening. Fresh air and happy dogs greeted me when I finally slid the door open.
All day yesterday I thought about that tension screw. I am still thinking about it today.
Something like a tension screw has been preventing me from opening the door to a perfect understanding of God's plan for my life in recent months. Back in Davenport this spring, felt I was standing at the crossroad of four equally good paths. Four paths each with their own sets of challenges and possibilities. Four paths to four different places. For all of them, I have almost equal qualifications, skills and abilities to match what is needed. Where does God want me?
(1)Bemidji
(2)Davenport
(3)Saipan
(4) Somewhere else I do not yet know about
I have been asking God for the past year and a half to show me where he wants me to serve. What he wants me to do. For wisdom. I have felt locked out of understanding, feeling my way forward as if in the dark. Yesterday's tension screw, however, reminded me God has promised that:
"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking" (James 1:5 NLT).
God always gives wisdom to those who ask for it. And he doesn't rebuke us for asking questions, which is kind of nice because rebuke for asking questions happens all the time in our world.
How often have you heard a wife say, "If he really loved me he would know what I want without asking."
Or an employer say, "If you see a need, don't ask me, just fix it. Don't force me to micromanage things around here."
Or a student or young adult who keeps changing their major or job-hopping to try to find out what they want to do with their lives will invariably hear from their elders, "Pick something and settle down. Your continual questions are not helping you grow up."
Why do we do this, when from God's standpoint, the questions are the work. God is not looking for us to simply settle down into a course of work we think might be useful. He is not looking for us to jump in and fix things. He is not looking for initiative in us the way the world looks for it in a person. God is looking for us to pray about everything. And to believe that he always answers our cry for wisdom, even if we cannot see that answer today or tomorrow or the next day. Daniel in the Bible asked for wisdom, and although the messenger didn't arrive to deliver God's answer for three weeks, God had answered Daniel as soon as he asked. It was just that preparatory work had to be done in the spiritual realm before Daniel could receive the answer (Daniel 10:12-13).
This encourages me to believe God has heard my prayer. He knows where he intends to place me. A tension screw somewhere has been hindering my understanding, but that's okay. It won't last forever. God will give me the wisdom I need, although it feels like the lock is jammed at the moment. In recent days, however, I feel the lock beginning to loosen. I am beginning to see patches of blue sky amongst the trees in my pathway.
I am in no hurry to get my answer. There are things to do here in Saipan. There will be things to do in Davenport when I get back. There may be things to do in Bemidji. I will simply do the next thing my hand finds to do until the answer comes. For example, next week I will be taking a two-day course to be certified in Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST). Tonight we are hosting a youth group fun night here at the church. The week after next we are hosting a neighborhood barbecue here at the church.
Now for the news. I applied last week for an Associate Pastor position here at Living Hope Church of the Nazarene in Saipan. As far as I can tell, this is the answer I have been waiting for. If I am wrong, the door will stay locked shut and I will continue to pray for wisdom. But if it opens, I will walk through the door. Lots of things will need to fall in place for that to happen. So I will continue to pray for wisdom, understanding that the prayer itself is the work of God, not the place I end up serving for the next season of my life. I like how Jesus answered some folks who, like me, wanted to know what exactly they should do to do the work of the Lord. Jesus said, "This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent" (John 6:29 NLT).
Believe in Jesus. I can do that! The rest will unfold one prayer at a time. I will keep you posted.
More soon...
Amy
Praying with you!
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